Dying
by Sinfully Soulful
Summary: Only one chap. Buffy writes a letter.


Dying

Summery: Buffy's depressed, so she writes a letter.

Timeline: None really. Just randomness future stuff.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Angel mail's here. Here ya go. Water bill, heat bill, electricity bill, phone bill… ohh my Vogue, and oh…a letter from Sunnydale." Cordelia said tossing the bills and letter onto Angel's desk.

Once Angel touched the letter he knew it was important. "It's from Buffy." He said with a surprised and confused look on his face.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Cordelia asked softly.

He just nodded slowly as he began to open the letter.

My dearest Angel,

I know you must be really shock to hear form me. We haven't spoken in over five years. Well I have more shock for you. I need you, I need your help. I know you never thought you'd ever hear me say those words to you again, but guess what, I never thought I'd ever say them.

Unfortunately, it's too late. I'm dead. I don't mean literally, of course, I mean if I'm still here writing this letter to you then I can't be dead. I mean, I'm dead on the inside. I've become a hollow mockery of the human condidtion. I walk, I talk, I eat, I drink…well mostly drink. If you haven't guessed it, I'm lonely. I'm writing this letter to get sympathy or to try and get you back, I'm writing it to let go of the little feelings I still have.

The only good feeling I still have is love. Love for you, and only for you. Everyone I've ever loved had left me, most not intentionally. Willow as you know died from an overdose in magic. She didn't want to leave but she did. Xander died helping me fight a Torath demon. He died to save me and I'll never forget how much I love him. Dawn and Spike died together, the way it should have been. They were in love. That's the way it should have happened.

After all that Giles stayed with me. We saved the world together more than anyone could ever know. After Riley I never had another boyfriend. Not because I couldn't go on without him, but because I knew I couldn't have that normal life you wanted. It was just me and Giles. Father and daughter. Slayer and watcher. I slowly became a shell of what I once was.

Last night I lost the only person I had left. Giels died last night saving me from a group of K'rith demons. Why do people do that to me? They die to save me? I'm the one who's supposed to die! Not Willow, not Xander, not Spike or Dawn or Giles, ME!

After I killed the K'rith demons I buried Giles next to everyone else. He's at rest with Xander, Willow, Spike and Dawn, and my mom. I thought it would only be fitting that my family be buried together.

Now I count down the days to my death. That's of course if I don't go crazy first. Everyday is the same. I wake up, drink until sunset, patrol and then I got to sleep at dawn. My home is no longer a home, it's just a house, a bed and a refrigerator.

I think I've finally realized why slayers don't live long The stress of slaying just becomes to much. Plus the extra heartache and guilt of all my friends, my family, dead. It's hard to continue without them. Sometimes I wake up and wonder why I'm still living. I sometimes think about letting a vamp take me out but it would be wrong. Xander and Giles' deaths would have been in vein.

Why is life so hard? Why is MY life so hard? People say love and loss is part of life, but I'm sure no one besides you maybe, had gone threw all the stuff I have. I've lost my friends, my family and my life, twice actually.

I feel like the Powers have handed me this unfair life that I can't give back. The only way to get rid of it is to die. I've tried it already though and I'm still here. Why am I still here? I should be in a nice grave next o my mother. Instead I'm here in Sunnyhell, getting drunk and hating life. What's wrong with me?  
I have to go now, before I have a total break down. Angel just do me one favor. Don't come here, don't call or write back. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. If you need me just call or write. I don't have anything to do. Don't contact me unless you REALLY need me. I'll talk to you soon.

Love Always

Your Girl

Buffy Anne Summers

P.S. I love you.

Angel folded the letter back up and placed it back in the envelope. He placed it in his desk and grabbed his jacket.

The END

AN: Do you guys think I should write a sequel to this? Let me know.


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